


matter most

by royalvoeu



Category: Produce X 101 - Fandom, UNIQ (Band), UP10TION
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25549987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royalvoeu/pseuds/royalvoeu
Summary: An alternative ending to Produce X 101 where both Seungyoun and Jinhyuk made it.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Jinhyuk, Cho Seungyoun | Seungyoun/Lee Jinhyuk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	matter most

The lights felt hot and almost blinding, but they were nothing compared to the nerves Jinhyuk was feeling right now. He rocked on his heels carefully, trying not to show everyone in South Korea how nauseated he felt, and instead focusing on looking up at the pyramid of Produce X 101’s newest boy group before him that was filled down to the first place already. All that was left was the X place, the sixth place, _the final place._ The seat that he desperately wished belonged to him, any minutes from now on.

The screen showed the four candidates of X place alternatingly between Jinhyuk, Yuvin, Sejin, and Jinhyuk’s own teammate, Wooseok. Their antsy expressions were rivaling Jinhyuk’s own, and they fidgeted obviously from where they stood. Jinhyuk could hear the murmurs of nervous fans down there, and without even glancing at the direction of the family box he knew his sister was busy chanting any prayers she remembered hoping the national producers would save the last seat for him.

Jinhyuk let his gaze wandered again, trying his best to ignore the booming intimidating music surrounding the hall, and fell on Seungyoun who sat on the third rank sofa up there. Seungyoun got called long time ago, and he left Jinhyuk with a strong pat on his back and whispers of _I’m waiting for you._ Their eyes met, and Jinhyuk almost broke into an amused smile looking at Seungyoun who seemed to be even more restless than he was. He kept clasping and unclasping his hands in a praying manner, looking straight at him when he wasn’t doing so, mouthing _Please come here. Please make it. Please. Please._

Jinhyuk gave him a smile that he hoped looked reassuring enough.

The camera panned back on Jinhyuk, the screen now showing him and Wooseok— the teammate he came to the show with, the friend he spent most of his full of struggle yet gleaming first few years of debuting with—side by side. Wooseok seemed to realize that too, and he gave a small smile to the camera—to Jinhyuk. Jinhyuk remembered their small talk from last night, about how it was already a huge blessing that they both have managed to come this far, and how they promised to leave with no regrets after the inevitable anything that happened today. 

Lee Dongwook, the National Producers representative, drew a sharp breath that brought everyone’s attention back to him. He smiled, rather grimly, but Jinhyuk didn’t want to think about anything. “The X ranked member has been showing stable improvements and has been rising high in ranks in every elimination,” He said.

Jinhyuk fought the urge to chew on his lower lip, opting to cross and uncross his right fingers under his left palm instead.

“With a total of 876,988 votes, the X member… TOP Media’s trainee, Lee Jinhyuk!”

Jinhyuk felt like the air around him was drawn from him and blown back to him in a split second, leaving him gaping in genuine surprise. His eyes wandered everywhere, processing the fact that he just won the last seat for the new nation-chosen boy group. The scream of his supporters almost deafening, the rest of the trainees moved from their spots to tackle him in hugs. Wooseok grinned ever so broadly, eyes glistening with tears but gaze steady and pooled with what seemed like pride.

Jinhyuk stumbled to get to the end of the pyramid to deliver his speech in between choked sobs, thanking everyone he had his eyes landed on, from his fellow trainees—Wooseok especially—to his parents and sister who grinned from ear to ear, busy wiping her own tears. He bowed deeply to the final audience, and ran to the pyramid platform 0nly to once again get swarmed by hugs from his new teammates.

He forgot half of what happened next, only remembering the way Seungyoun pulled him to a tight embrace, face buried on the crook of his neck before breaking down to another burst of tears, the tip of his nose red and he kept mumbling _Thank God. Thank God. Finally. Finally._

Jinhyuk’s heart felt so full to the brim.

*

The hustle bustle of preparing for a debut wasn’t new to Jinhyuk or Seungyoun—also Byungchan, Kookheon and Hangyul. Hyunbin was the only one new to this, but he has been showing the mentality of a strong rookie, for Jinhyuk hasn’t heard him complaining for the past three weeks. Not that he usually did during the whole four months of Produce X 101, though.

Now that the six of them were bound under the name of SIXC—the newest and second boy group with members chosen personally by national producers all over South Korea after Wanna One—everything seemed to happen so fast before them. They moved to their new dorm three days after the final day, and began having countless meetings for debut preparation two days afterwards. There were also CF and variety shows meetings, not to mention their obligatory dance and vocal practice sessions. Everything seemed to pass in a blurred movement to Jinhyuk. The only thing that told him everything was real was probably how his body longed for a good long rest now more than any other days.

Today was another day full of packed schedules. Jinhyuk barely remembered what time the six of them left the dorm this morning, clutching on their neck pillows and masks, eyes obviously not fully open. It took them almost two hours to reach their destination, and none of them even remembered how they got here in the first place—a huge indoor studio with rows and rows of chic suits and expensive looking casual outfits lined up on the wall, each with tags boring their names on it. The photoshoot (which Jinhyuk then remembered was for Cledbel) was set to start at 9 AM, and by the time they reached there three hours earlier, the hustle bustle began again. 

Hyunbin and Byungchan were the first to get their make-up done—courtesy of losing their paper rock scissors game to decide who would go first and who would get more sleep while waiting—and Jinhyuk wasted no time to crash on the comfiest sofa he could find on the set. Seungyoun joined him shortly after, wordlessly laying down and claiming Jinyuk’s thigh as his pillow while clutching on his own fox patterned blanket. Jinhyuk let him, like he always did.

“Oh, you’re done?” Jinhyuk said softly when he saw Hyunbin approaching, now dark-circles free and looking more awake than before. Hyunbin nodded as he took a seat on the sofa’s armrest, peeking curiously at Seungyoun who was sleeping soundly, looking very comfortable like he wasn’t on schedule but at home. Jinhyuk followed his gaze and softened right away.

It wasn’t Jinhyuk’s first time watching Seungyoun sleeping, he teamed up once with the latter for Move performance and shared a bunk bed for a good one week before. Even when they did not share a room before and after Move, being among the oldest—and the ones with more burden on their shoulders hence the questionable time of practice they put upon themselves no matter if it was a day or a night—they had the tendency to not only sleep less and last but also literally everywhere. They had shared the dance studio’s cold floor and the vocal room’s thin carpeted floor for some urgently needed power naps before. Seungyoun sleeping on his lap wasn’t entirely new to him too.

“You’ll have to wake him up in a while. It’ll be your turn soon.” Hyunbin hummed, and Jinhyuk made an almost inaudible sound to show that he understood. Staring at Seungyoun’s product-free bangs covering his eyes and his steady breathing movement somehow made Jinhyuk think back of the countless late night practices and the time Seungyoun spent holing himself up in his studio for the past ten days, working on possible tracks for their debut album. If Jinhyuk and the other four barely had time to sleep, it was safe to say that Seungyoun had no time to sleep at all.

“You’re having that face again, hyung.”

“What face?”

To that, Hyunbin chuckled. “You’re having the lovestruck face again. Don’t give me that look—I know you’re just going to deny it, but I’m standing with what I believe.”

“When did the others brainwash you, Hyunbin?” Jinhyuk squinted at the youngest, who then shrugged lazily, providing no further explanation. He nudged Jinhyuk on the shoulder with a smile that held thousand underlying meanings and got up, moving to grab a snack before the shoot really started.

“Jinhyuk-ah,”

Jinhyuk was once again snapped out of his thoughts, looking behind only to find one of the stylists that he knew too well since his first debut days waving, beckoning him to come because it was obviously his turn to get dolled up already.

“Noona, could you give me a minute? Seungyoun is still sleeping,”

The stylist peeked over his shoulder, a knowing smile bloomed easily on her visage. She knew Seungyoun too—not only from the Produce X 101 days but also from Seungyoun’s own first debut days—maybe even longer than she knew Jinhyuk and Jinhyuk knew Seungyoun. Seungyoun did make his first debut before Jinhyuk, after all.

“Sometimes I still find it funny how my two giant kids from entirely different groups end up being together in a show I really can’t decide if I hate it or like it and end up debuting together like this.” She put his hands on her waist, speaking in a totally motherly way as she shook her head in mild amusement. She stifled a quiet laugh, took steps back to retreat to the actual make-up room next door and with an obvious hint of finality in her tone said, “Wake your boyfriend up then, Jinhyuk. Bring him with you next door, we’re finished with Kookheon and Hangyul already.”

“He’s not—”

The stylist wasted no time to listen to him nor look back, just walking out easily while waving her hands nonchalantly, leaving Jinhyuk nothing but the obligation to wake _his boyfriend_ up now.

(Jinhyuk definitely didn’t want to acknowledge the fleeting pleasant feeling burning on the pit of his stomach.)

*

Jinhyuk would be lying if he didn’t recall the high walls he built to protect himself while entering the Produce X 101 competition, careful not to let anyone saw his vulnerable side. Seungyoun was no different, he hid himself well behind the happy-go-lucky façade he wore since the first day. Not that the happy-go-lucky Seungyoun wasn’t Seungyoun, it was still him, but it wasn’t entirely him.

But life worked in such an unexpected way and as long as Jinhyuk’s memories did not fail him, he remembered the friendship between him and Seungyoun happened quick and easy. They got to know each other during the first company evaluation, having sat down near each other and realizing they have both been debuted and went through the similar rocky path in the idol life. The two extroverts were quick to share what they thought could have been done and soon enough, it was the mutual feeling of wanting to do more and better that somehow broke their sturdy built walls almost at the same time. They became friends. Best friends.

Although placed not in the same group until the Move evaluation, they got along way too well that it was almost impossible to see Jinhyuk without Seungyoun and vice versa. Jinhyuk was the first person Seungyoun thought of telling the good news of him being picked as Love Shot’s main vocal. Seungyoun was also the first person Jinhyuk came to brag about how he made Yohan an outstanding rookie rapper for Boss. ( _“You’re really spending an awful lot of time with Seungyoun instead of me,” Wooseok once said, a half-mocking grin on his face, no trace of malice in his tone. Jinhyuk only shrugged that time, knowing full well his original teammate also happened to spend more time with Sejin instead of him._ )

“So, you came to Produce X101 and had to see each other as rivals, competitors,”

The booming echo from the host’s microphone startled Jinhyuk back to current time. He blinked, quickly regaining focus making sure he put on a perfect toothy smile for the over 10,000 audiences inside Gocheok Dome watching him and his five teammates on their thrilling debut showcase’s talk session.

“And now that you have become the chosen six, you put down the rivals and competitors label behind and change them with something new: friends, or I should say, teammates.” The host beamed a camera-friendly smile, taking a little pause in between his sentences to give room for the rookies and the fans to make reactions.

“Now… we already prepared six random questions to check how do you all take the change from rivals to friends. I will let everyone answer only one question, okay?” The host made grand hand gestures, beckoning the members to get ready to answer.

Amidst the cheers and funny music played in the background, Jinhyuk, a big goofy grin on his face—who sat in the furthest end and had to wait for his turn—watched as Kookheon got the “Who are you most awkward with?” question and boasted about he was close with all the members. The host quickly pointed out how he obviously looked awkward next to Hyunbin, gaining laughters from his own members and the whole dome.

Hyunbin got the “Which hyung do you think is more of a maknae than you?” question and mentioned Seungyoun as the answer. Seungyoun fought back with a flustered shriek of “He thinks of me as an easy hyung that’s why he thinks I’m more of a maknae than him!” but everyone, including the fans and the host whom they just met that day, knew completely it was a total lie.

Byungchan chose Hangyul for the “Who do you think is the most different from their trainee self and idol self?” question because he thought Hangyul has become a lot more suave (and quote, flirty, unquote) now that he had passed the dreadful years of training. Hangyul defended the statement by saying it was because he was thankful of the chance given by his fans so he worked hard on the fanservice part, and Byungchan replied with his signature finger guns and a teasing wink.

“I used to be scared of Jinhyuk hyung,” Hangyul spoke, a hint of mischievousness to his words as he answered the question of who were most different from what he originally thought of them. “But he’s just a big excited puppy once you get to know him. Almost like Seungyoun hyung. And they’re both the most inseparable pair of this team, so I’d say it’s the birds of the same feather flock together situation,”

The crowd cheered at that, either because of Hangyul’s correct interpretation of Jinhyuk being a big excited puppy or because of how Jinhyuk blew a kiss to Hangyul who immediately dodged it as if it was a bullet.

Then the host moved to Seungyoun—the last person before Jinhyuk—a smile blooming on his visage as he read his cue card. The crowd cheered even louder as he read the question, “Seungyoun, who are you most thankful of from all of the members?”

Jinhyuk barely had the time to process the question when Kookheon quipped with a “Ah, don’t we all know the answer to this already?” real quick, followed by a unanimous cheer (or groan?) from the rest of the members and more deafening cheers from the audience. Seungyoun laughed along, the usual eye crinkles and toothy smiles.

“I’m very thankful of all the members here. They are all hard workers and the type of friends you’d want to keep close for a really long time,” Seungyoun began when the crowd calmed down, Kookheon shrugging while shooting mildly annoying all-knowing gaze at Jinhyuk’s direction. “But if I had to name only one member, it’d be Jinhyuk.”

Seungyoun turned to his side, looking at Jinhyuk with twinkle in his eyes that strangely made Jinhyuk’s insides felt funny. Jinhyuk wondered if the twinkle was from the reflection of the bright stage lights aimed at them or from Seungyoun himself. (But when did he start wondering about _this_?)

“We got closer real quick on our first day being there. He was my junior—don’t give me that look, you know it’s true—and we knew we had been through the similar ups and downs of life. We happened to have the same views of what we planned to do the moment we entered the warzone,” Seungyoun smiled, pleasant. Jinhyuk focused on him, listening closely, an abashed smile on his lips. “That was how we got really, I should say, dependent of each other. I know we all agree that it was hard being in the competition, but Jinhyuk here was one of the few people other than the members here that I could lean on to. I might have burdened him with my own problem, but he never complained and comforted me instead. He still does, up to this day.”

(Jinhyuk’s mind suddenly played a rewind to that night the two of them spent staring at the ceiling of one of the biggest practice room, ten minutes after everyone from Move team left for a shower before bed, both busy with their minds, thinking what the future had in store for them. They laid down side by side, sprawled like two giant starfish considering their legs length, chest heaving up and down from the lack of oxygen they suffered after an intense dance and live singing practice. They were both slick with sweat and smelt unpleasant, and Jinhyuk now also wanted to sprint to the shower but Seungyoun—who had put his arm over his own eyes to shield his eyes from the light—mumbled, lowly it was almost inaudible, “I hope we debut together, Jinhyuk.”

He remembered all too well the way his heart almost leapt to his throat, but he told himself that Seungyoun was under a lot of pressure and currently just very tired from wanting to pass the last stage before final stage well—hence the randomly spoken wish.

“I meant it. I want to debut with you.”

Seungyoun said again, this time in a voice clearer than before.

He remembered all too well the way he only smiled as a reply, nudging Seungyoun in the rib, saying something along the way of ‘ _Of course we would debut together, idiot. They can’t separate us.’_ to hide his mixed feelings _._ Seungyoun immediately replied with an obvious frown in his face and without a warning, tackled him in a slick-with-sweat bone-cracking hug, sending the two of them to a loud screaming mess.)

The atmosphere of the originally playful and funny talk session has turned warmer and friendlier thanks to Seungyoun’s answer. Jinhyuk felt almost overwhelmed, but Seungyoun’s eyes were still trained on Jinhyuk and his smile did not falter a little as he finished by saying, “Well. I think it’s safe to say that I’m most thankful to Jinhyuk. I love you, Jinhyuk-ah. Thank you for everything you have done to and for me,”

The sudden confession was enough to drive the audience into a squealing mess and the members into a screaming disorder, unitedly shooting expectant eyes to Jinhyuk, waiting for his reply to the warm confession.

Jinhyuk’s heart threatened to leap up to his throat again, so he put on his best smile and replied, “Thanks, Seungyoun. I love you too.”

He pretended he didn’t see the mischief dancing on his teammates knowing eyes for the rest of the talk session, and instead busily reprimanding himself for even thinking of _inappropriate_ things when he remembered clearly Seungyoun had said—from countless nights he spent on scrolling through his tags—that their fans loved their interaction the most, called them Youngdanz as in soulmates and rooted for more of their interaction.

What Seungyoun did to him was merely an act of fanservice, Jinhyuk firmly believed.

*

That night started just like the usual rare nights they didn’t have to worry about tomorrow’s schedule: Byungchan calling dibs for the comfiest bean bag they had in the dorm and Kookheon yelling for him to give it up for once. Hyunbin, the ever so calm maknae chose the seat next to Jinhyuk quietly, sipping on his cider and eyeing the older guy’s cola half-begrudgingly (He wanted the cola but there was only one left and none of them felt like going outside just to grab one can of cola). Hangyul was almost impossible to talk to, he had his full attention on the phone on his hand, sitting on the other end of the sofa where Jinhyuk and Hyunbin sat. Only Seungyoun wasn’t present, Jinhyuk remembered the vague greeting he said to him in the morning (or was it afternoon?) when he just woke up, something along the way of _I’m going finish things up at the studio. I’ll be home late._

The TV now showed a re-run of their debut goodbye stage from Music Bank last Friday, the cool summery-vibe intro of their own song brought everyone’s attention back to the TV. Byungchan cheered, lifting his beer can and started doing the fanchant, purposely missed Kookheon’s name to annoy him and Hangyul finally put down his phone to either check how he looked on the TV—(“Hyung, didn’t I look awesome?” was one of the numerous questions Hangyul always asked around)—or listen to the fans screaming when it got to his favorite part of the goodbye stage: Seungyoun and Jinhyuk as the ending fairies.

“And they—KISSED!” Hangyul’s loud and full laugh spread like some contagious disease in just a matter of seconds, resulting in a collective mocking squeal and excited claps from everyone except Jinhyuk. He remained unmoved, lips twitching rather petulantly, watching the screen now showed how _composed_ he looked on TV when Seungyoun—who was supposed to be his _nice_ ending fairy partner—suddenly grabbed him on his shoulder and gave a full smooch on his cheek before sending heart fingers to the camera, all smiles and laughter himself. It was a genuine laugh, one that Jinhyuk knew like the back of his own hand, though he had to admit it looked slightly devious than what he remembered.

The fans’ squeal from the TV gradually faded but not with Jinhyuk’s teammates, who now even turned their backs to look at him with expectant eyes that Jinhyuk knew mean nothing but _he would not get away from them even if he wanted to_.

“What?” He said, grumbling under his breath, frowning up at the members and even Hyunbin—the one he trusted the most but Jinhyuk has learned to trust no human in this SIXC household ever since he found his fans-given Olaf doll on the feet of the youngest’s bed, all crumpled and looking sad.

“Don’t you have something to explain to us? Like what is it actually between you and Seungyoun hyung?” Byungchan began, putting down his beer on the coffee table and Jinhyuk knew this wasn’t going to end well—Byungchan never let go of his beer.

A hum of agreement came from the rest of the members, drowning Jinhyuk’s very own “There’s nothing between us!” that now sounded lame even to his own ears. Jinhyuk knew the question did not only come from his members—everyone, from the stylist team to their choreographer and vocal teacher have been quietly, implicitly, subtly, trying to ask the same question to him and Seungyoun himself. Which by the way, always ended up being answered with mere _We’re friends?_ or _We’re teammates, what do you mean?_ by Jinhyuk and simple smile from Seungyoun.

None of them found the answers satisfying, especially after witnessing how those two could not just be _friends_ or _teammates_. Byungchan has made a mental list of the proofs (which actually could be longer but he decided it wasn’t worth to be recorded thoroughly especially because everything they did was a blatant public display of affection, thank you very much):

_Exhibit one_ : Byungchan, Seungyoun and Jinhyuk got invited to a Tipsy Interview session and Seungyoun was the first to change Jinhyuk’s given beer to cider. Done quietly, wordlessly, almost unnoticed until Jinhyuk sipped on his glass and realized it wasn’t alcohol. Byungchan eventually became the only one drunk. (He would never forget this betrayal.)

 _Exhibit two_ _:_ Jinhyuk came to their shared dorm from his mother’s house bringing a new fluffy fox-printed blanket, saying his mother insisted to give it to Seungyoun. Seungyoun replied with a casual “I’ll call your mom after practice to say thank you, then!” (Byungchan who has been friends with Jinhyuk longer than Seungyoun didn’t even have Jinhyuk’s mother’s number.)

 _Exhibit three_ : They are roommates. And as much as Byungchan wanted to know what happened behind the closed door, one eventful morning where Seungyoun went out of the room wearing a t-shirt that everyone knew was one of Jinhyuk’s most prized possession was enough for him to stop wanting to know more.

“Aren’t you two together?” This was delivered lightly by Hyunbin, but the effect was nowhere near light to Jinhyuk’s poor wellbeing.

“Please.” Hyunbin said again, noticing the change in Jinhyuk’s expression. “We all knew you two are always together, ever since day one. Some of us even thought you two were dating already back during Produce days. But since you are our seniors, we kept them to ourselves. Ask Hangyul hyung.”

“True,” said Hangyul, beaming a lovely puppy smile that now felt threatening to Jinhyuk.

“Please be honest with us just once, Hyuk.” Byungchan began, and there was that tone again where he didn’t even address him properly with a _hyung_ —something that he did purposely all the time but only did seriously when he wanted to get something out of him. And this time, it was the truth.

But what else could Jinhyuk answer? It was true, Seungyoun and him were friends. Teammates. There was nothing going on between them. Jinhyuk wasn’t sure what exactly was the _something_ everyone wanted to be between them. They were _friends._ Period.

“You’re not dating each other?” Hyunbin quirked one of his eyebrows, and Jinhyuk shook his head again for the umpteenth time. “But you like him, don’t you?” This time Kookheon—who has been eyeing him quietly—asked.

“Why do you all want to know?”

None of them answered, they gave him a unanimous judging stare instead.

“Well,” Jinhyuk exhaled. “I do like him. As friends—shut up, Byungchan—” (“What? We know you like him as friends, it’s obvious. What we want to know is if you like him _more_ than that, dumbass.” “Nice one, Choi.” “I didn’t need a feedback from you, Kim.” “Hyung I’m a Kim too.” “Shut up, Hyunbin.”)—“Maybe even more than just friends. There. You have your answer.”

Jinhyuk had been long accepted the fact that his feelings had shifted from just wanting to be friends to be something _more._ (It took him weeks of pondering in the middle of the night with Seungyoun’s soft snore from the bunk below his fogging his mind and even more weeks of wanting to bang his head on the wall and flinch away every time Seungyoun came in close contact with his to realize, but it was worth it.) (Or was it?)

“It’s kind of obvious actually,” Byungchan said, ignoring the obvious downturn of Jinhyuk’s lips and continued, “We just need to hear that from you. It’s suffocating, you know, being the ones watching from the side. You two are unbelievable. Don’t you know that he likes you too?”

Jinhyuk scrunched up his nose, wary of Byungchan’s train of thoughts. He was his friend for a long time before _all_ these happened, and he knew a little to well when he was up to something, but telling him Seungyoun liked him in the same way as him was unexpected.

“Don’t give me that look.” Byungchan started again. “Everyone knows, only you don’t. And by everyone I mean us, members, our staffs, stylists, choreographers, vocal teachers, even our _fans._ You have no idea how many conspiracy threads on Twitter and proof videos on YouTube about you two _being real_ Hangyul has found in a span of one month.”

To that, Hangyul yelled something that sounded like an agreement, eagerly grabbing his phone to show his bookmarks on his private Twitter account he used all the time to check on his and their fans.

“You are all getting the wrong ideas.” Jinhyuk shook his head, focusing on whatever it was on the TV that has been long ignored. “I know about those threads and videos, Hangyul. He tells me all the time. At first it was fun, knowing the fans like us together as friends and might be equally supportive if we take this to something, _more._ But then I realized it was probably just in my head?”

“We both have been wanting _this_ for a very long time. We were in the dark for so long. But now that we are finally out in the lights and everyone has put their eyes on us, I’m no longer sure what are things that are done for the sake of keeping us in the lights, and what are done for the sole sake of our real relationship.”

Byungchan opened his mouth to say something else, but Kookheon hit him in the back of his head to cut him off—Jinhyuk too distracted to see any of this.

“He is still as sincere as he is ever, I didn’t mean to brush off our friendship just like that. But I firmly believe that everything he does in front of everyone else but us was an attempt to build up a better fanservice to our fans—to keep us in the lights for a little longer. I like him. I know he likes me too, but as friends, as coworkers, as teammates, as fellow SIXC members.”

The silence followed after felt funny to Jinhyuk, his members changed completely from looking like hungry beasts surrounding their prey to look like recently-scolded big dogs, tails in between their legs. They didn’t say anything, both busy with their minds but unitedly agreed with Jinhyuk’s depiction of _finally being out in the lights._ It took each of them years of being constantly put down and thrown in the shades to get to where they were now.

“But you know,” Kookheon was the first to break the silence. “I still think friends don’t do the things you do, hyung.”

“Shut it,” Jinhyuk said, but he still laughed because he thought it was ridiculous. “From now on just take it as we’re practicing fanservice. Apparently our fans like Seungyoun and me the most.”

“I have had enough of this betrayal anyway. I knew you first among all these guys. It should’ve been you and me.” Byungchan argued, and Jinhyuk laughed once again.

“But hyung.” Hangyul said seriously all of a sudden, amidst the gradually increasing volumes of his members now that they were about to move on from the topic—save it for later kind of situation because it got strangely sappy and saddening all of a sudden, a situation none of them liked.

Jinhyuk changed his expression from laughing to just as serious. “Yes?”

“I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I think it’s unfair of you to take everything Seungyoun hyung does to you as a mere attempt to quote, fanservice, unquote, like you firmly believe. It feels like dismissing every nice thing he does to you all these times. And I’m not talking about things he does to and for you in front of the cameras, but more of those he does behind them. Away from all looking and judging eyes, even away from us—the members’ eyes.”

“I don’t mean to pry further, I respect your decision whatever it is, hyung. But I think it’s not so bad to give Seungyoun hyung a chance. At least a chance to answer himself. You have never asked him properly, haven’t you?”

Jinhyuk was nowhere near offended, but for some reasons, he felt something stirred inside of him, making him wonder if everything was really _just_ in his head.

*

“Oh. Jinhyuk. You’re still up.”

Jinhyuk nodded silently, closing the fridge with eyes trained closely on the familiar voice’s owner who was now busy shoving his shoes on the overloaded shoe rack of six guys living under the same roof. Seungyoun grumbled a bit, but it was past midnight when he got back to the dorm and he was far too happy to be distracted by a minor inconvenience.

“Hyuk-ah, Hyuk-ah.” Seungyoun said, trailing behind Jinhyuk to go back to their shared room, voice thick with excitement like a little puppy that everyone always told him. (Not Jinhyuk, though, he was always convinced Seungyoun was a cat in his previous life.) “Do you remember the song I’ve been working on for the past three weeks? The one I told you I got the idea for the melody because I heard you whistled randomly that time?”

Jinhyuk hummed a response signaling he was listening, then plopped himself down on the bottom bunk—Seungyoun’s—and the younger wasted no time in throwing his bag and cap to the table next to their closet, something that would usually make Jinhyuk nag but not today. “I’ve been at the studio the whole day today—I slept in the first two hours because I couldn’t think of anything to fix the song. Then I got up, ordered a donkatsu takeaway—from your favorite shop—I also ate corndogs, two of them because my brain still refused to work properly and you know what? When I was pouring sauce on my second corndog, something came to me suddenly with a loud ding like the sound of your notification—please be considerate and put your phone on DND mode next time I’m sleeping—and I managed to finish the song in just, an hour!”

It sounded like a ramble, but this was Seungyoun and Seungyoun never rambled, all he did was expressing himself the way he felt at the moment, all big gestures and excited tone. Jinhyuk has long forgotten when he started finding it endearing.

“I was so excited that I went all the way to fix everything and now the song is more than just ready. I sang in the demo and I think if we could include this in our next album—or we could release it independently through our Soundcloud—your voice would be perfect for the rap part—are you listening?”

“I am.” Jinhyuk answered a little surprised when the current of words suddenly stopped.

Seungyoun frowned, suddenly aware of how unusually quiet Jinhyuk has been even when he just trashed their table. It was only then Seungyoun realized how flushed Jinhyuk looked under the dim mood lights he insisted on setting up in their room. He eyed the mug on the older’s hands suspiciously. “What are you drinking?”

“Just water, Seungyoun.”

“I thought you might be drinking. You’re flushed. Are you sick?” Seungyoun’s lips curled downwards again, and Jinhyuk was quick to swat the younger’s hand that was about to touch his forehead—resulting in a deeper frown in his face, confusion pooled in his eyes. “Why? I just want to check if you’re really not sick,”

“I’m fine. How is the song again? If it’s you I think we can make it to the next album. You have put two on our debut album and we all know how easy they accepted those two, I think it’d be even easier now. Can I hear the rap demo?”

Jinhyuk has been up for longer than he could remember, his mind buzzing with thoughts and what ifs even after the rest of the members got back to their respective rooms. There were voices in Jinhyuk’s head—a mix of his own “ _Do it, ask him, ask him, ask him!”_ and Hangyul’s “ _You have never asked him properly, have you?”—_ and they were close to push Jinhyuk’s buttons that he settled on rambling unconsciously instead, trying to tune them off, but it was Seungyoun in front of him, who despite only started knowing him the past five months, has learned a little too much about him to know something was up.

“What happened?” Seungyoun asked seriously this time, traces of goofy smiles long gone and replaced with unreadable expression. He sat next to Jinhyuk on his own bed quickly, lower lip jutted out in what seemed like worry.

Jinhyuk shrugged. “What?”

“It’s not like we ony became acquaintances last night, Jinhyuk-ah.” If Seungyoun noticed how Jinhyuk flinched a little at that, he said nothing at all. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Jinhyuk hated to sound cliché but the words triggered this loud, pounding, electric feeling in his heart that threatened to come out in a messy chain of words thick with thousands of conflicting thoughts and carefully hidden emotions. He wanted to stop, to save _this_ for later, but Seungyoun leaned closer to look for his eyes and suddenly all Jinhyuk could remember was heart filled and lined by something that could not mean nothing other than love. Jinhyuk swallowed, hard, eager to stay steady and sure because _fuck it, it’s Seungyoun and Seungyoun is always worth the risk_ , but what came out of his mouth betrayed him.

“I like you, Seungyoun.”

The words stumbled like nothing Jinhyuk imagined it would be, and he suddenly wanted the earth to swallow him whole, away from the other male’s tender eyes that now filled with nothing but genuine surprise—but this was Jinhyuk and Jinhyuk always did the opposite thing of what he planned to do, and this time was: continue rambling.

“It took me long to come around but I realized it’s been like that for a long time. I know this isn’t the best time to confess—I don’t know if there will be a best time to confess with everything going on between us—so. I’m sorry that came out nothing like I wanted it to be. You don’t have to answer—I only needed to get that out of my chest. I know things will be awkward between us but I hope—”

Seungyoun got up, rummaging his bag silently, and Jinhyuk froze, stopping himself.

_Way to go, Jinhyuk. You did that. You confessed instead of doing the right thing of keeping your stupid feelings shut somewhere everyone could not see and now you’re blowing off the last hope of still being—_

What happened next was beyond Jinhyuk’s expectation: Seungyoun’s hands swooped swiftly to clutch at Jinhyuk’s ones, a faint glow on the curl of his lips, and for a split euphoric moment Jinhyuk believed he was allowed to be _hopeful._

“Here. Listen to this.” Seungyoun pushed the button on his phone, and the familiar melody of Jinhyuk’s _own_ whistle. Jinhyuk remembered the day Seungyoun eagerly asked him to repeat his own whistle so he could record it— _“How the hell am I supposed to do that, Seungyoun?”_ —and how he never heard any of it until this day, as an intro of a finished song. Seungyoun’s hold in his hands felt strong, reassuring, and it was only on the 1:15 timestamp of the song that Jinhyuk _realized._

The song started with a melody of his _own_ random whistle. It wasn’t too apparent, but the song was definitely about him, about Seungyoun, about _them._ It was a confession song. One that mirrored the feeling of Jinhyuk’s own messy confession earlier, but more in an orderly manner. It was a way for Seungyoun to tell Jinhyuk he liked him too.

“Now you know.” Seungyoun smiled widely, fox-like eyes softening. Jinhyuk felt utterly dumbfounded and he still wanted the earth to swallow him whole, but Seungyoun laced his fingers with his ones, and everything suddenly felt _right._

“I thought you’d always say we’re friends.”

Seungyoun said, grinning.

“What am I supposed to say? We are—were—friends, weren’t we?”

Jinhyuk felt a tug in his chest looking at Seungyoun’s sudden burst of plum color on his cheeks and ears. 

“Those weren’t just fanservice?”

“I’m telling you about the fanservice all the time and dismiss people telling us we look good together because I’m afraid you’d feel uncomfortable. I’ve seen you avoiding my gaze all the time—( _“It was only because I was unsure and confused!”)—_ and I don’t want anything to ruin us. I don’t want to risk anything, especially losing you—”

And just like that, none of them ever got to hear the end of Seungyoun’s words—not when Jinhyuk leaned close and their foreheads were touching, not when the two sported equally radiant lopsided grins and especially not when their lips finally touched in a shy, delicate first kiss.

*

_“What are we supposed to tell the guys later?”_

****

_“What else? Just say we’re friends like you always do.”_

****

_“That’s not funny.”_

****

_“Alright, alright. We’re boyfriends. Happy now, Jinhyuk?”_

****

_“I have never been happier.”_

_“You suck.”_

_“You still like it, anyway.”_

_“I don’t like you. I love you.”_

_“Oh my God.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i was supposed to finish this on the day they both made comebacks back to back... but life got in the way and i only got to finish this today. everything is still very self-indulgent and the ending might be a mess but i hope you're still able to enjoy this. thank you for stopping by ♥︎


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